Allotted spaces 

*************

What is one of the most difficult thing in human life compared to animal and plant life?

It is finding your place in the universe.

Sometimes when travelling through the years of existence you may feel that you know where exactly your place is.

Sometimes you feel you know where exactly it is supposed to be .On that instants you are confused with two kinds of questions.

First One .am I really spending my time at the place where I am supposed to be?

Second one.am I wandering far away from my allotted space in search of somethingelse?

Sometimes you recognize you are at a different space from what you really supposed to have.

So during these unending confusions what a human can do?

He can go back to self and try to understand him,his purpose of life and how he is going to fulfill it without entering into too much chaos and complications.

Every single person has his own role in this universe.one is born and given time as per his requirement here.once the requirement is fulfilled he might be called back in to the common energy of universe.

So there is no comparison between the types of lives we live here.some appear to do well and others appear to do poor.some become known and others unknown.does it make any difference? Nothing.

Because it is also a part of the total unrevealed purpose of lives.

Everyone needs to recognize their path.the real role they have to take part in the total cyclical process of construction and distruction.the beginnings,continuation and the ends.

If we closely listen we could hear the time in milliseconds without  even a clock ticking to give away the secret of that flow.each has an individual inborn clock within him.and it is only for the one who hold it.

So what should we do?

Pay attention to your own clock.do not wander far away from it.one is here not for claiming any reward points but to do some part of a bigbig  job that goes on infinitely.so pay attention to your work and commitment that you have agreed upon by taking your first breath.This will take you through the journey ,long or short as per pre programmed without much hassles or confusions and finally to your comfortable last breath.

HOMELESS PEOPLE

*********************

Not every human being has a home.Many just live without homes.People may have families-like parents ,sibilings,spouse,children but they can be a homeless person at the same time.They may be living with many people under the same roof still they are homeless as they don’t have the luck to belong somewhere.Many people without families or relatives still can have a home.They  are fortunate enough to feel   safe somewhere .They have the luck to belong somewhere .The people living in the streets in groups may be more happier than someone who actually owns a house to live.

Infact to have a home is in someones destiny.One can have wealth,family,friends,power,career but to have a home he should be a blessed one.

All lonely people are homeless.They have no one to share their thoughts ,anxieties,or fears.People with homes move  with their homes and in and around their homes.They may not have time to recognize or say ‘hello’ to a homeless person.

Many of us who had homes might turnout  homeless as we progress through life as well.Aging population may be neglected and find themselves in a homeless mental situation along with their physical disabilities.

So what a desperate homeless person should do?

Shall they die every day in their empty dark corners of life alone?

Shall they hide their helplessness?

I think NO .They should at least try to make a home.There are hundreds of homeless people all around them just like them.They should  reach out and make a try to get hold of another homeless person’s hand.Afterall this life is just a stage of experiments.So there is nothing to loose by trying.One could be lucky to make his home somewhere from nothing.He might find a place where he is needed and able to  feel a  belonging.

DECADES OF A HUMAN LIFE

*******************************

When you are under 10 you are innocent.you see things in colours.percieve people lack and white.so some are good the others bad.

When you are between 10 and 20 you start realizing the true colours of the world .get some taste of it.finds sweet as sour and concerns as bitterness or unwanted interferences,you learn to question and turn in to rebels.you feel you are mature enough to handle the world alone.you don’t need parental or eldely interferences or advices,opinions or suggestions to lead your life.you consider authority figures ae too controlling and unbearable.they don’t like the way enjoy your life about the route of which you yourself don’t have the slightest idea.

This is also the crucial time where you can be fed with ideas which can be not so safe or detrimental to your further course in life.peers of different types now play the major roles in your life.parents and other experienced guides and well wishers are pushed in to the back burner.they can now be aconsidered as a nuisance also as their concerns about your safety and future is an issue in your mind and an irritation.

People who step in to extremism might also start here.if they get adequate input from the surroundings on any subjects,say religion ,politics ,occultism and so on its easy to turn them in to the slaves of anything because the basis of extremism is hormones say testosterone,estrogen etc and now they have started being produced abundantly from your endo crinology deprtment.so human sexuality,aggression,violence all begins their natural development in your body and brain.

You are emotional,burning,over confident,touchy,explosive ,over responsive,hypersensitive,ready to fight and ready to show bravery without using much of the brain substance..

From 20 to 30 you are progressively maturing.you already have a taste of real world.you are completing education,you have ambitions ,you want to become something.you have many dreams which you think all will come true exactly as your mental blue prints.you are in search of a job.good academic performers actually grab good career opportunities.those who selected self employment slowly becoming experienced in making money.some finds life partners and marry.some start making homes and children.they are planning to settle down. At this stage also you are aggressive,extremists in your thoughts and actions,contempt the world wherever you think it is needed,make sides and lobbies in life,plan to accumulate wealth ,house and so on.you are becoming a more responsible human being.

From 30 to 40 also you continue with extremism.you are still have the capacity to contempt .you know everything about anybody and everybody.you are healthy.no bodily or emotional issues.your endocrine organs working properly especially adrenals and giving out enough DHEA and which fuels up your efficiency..you don’t even imagine a day in future where you will have high BP,CHOLESTEROL,DM,JOINT PAIN AND SO ON.you have good libido.you enjoy your sex life.you make and break emotional and physical connections.you burn with lust .you talk volumes about love..women burn both physically and emotionally due to the tricks  estrogen playing on them.

From 40 to 50 you get the first call for slowing down.now you have to maintain what you have achived.for men your hair line starts  reciding.your tummy coming out.for women you have your ovaries slowing down.you are slowly increasing in both width and breadth.you are worried about your skin.both gender have a tough time with offsprings who now are in second decade.you have to make decisions for them.your extremism is slowly coming down.you are more adaptive.you can forget and forgive others a little bit.you are more philosophical and spiritual .you have now more shades in your thoughts and assessments than black and white when you evaluate the world.your efficiency further coming down with decreasing DHEA.You start looking at the previous decade groups with a mature eye.you know what is right and what could go wrong.you have a feeling of superiority.you don’t feel to eact violently .

You don’t feel extremism is just the need of younger decades.you speak logically.you are more universal than self centred.you laugh inside when encounter inexperience.you are ready to open the windows for winds and doors for those who wish to fly from your nest.you have now real ,time proved,lasting and reliable friends. Women are becoming men.they are losing estrogen and may gain androgen.its a most dangerous and tricky time for them.they are losing their feminity,body contours and femle charisma.they are more frustrated with a failed ovary and its betrayal.they feel they are no more essential in their home as they used to be in previous decades.

50 to 60.now it’s the time of acceptance of the downward descend from the hill.you have now a medical box of your own which is going to be your companion for the many decades to come from now on.you may get sudden surprises from unexpected diagnoses of diseases.you have born,joint problems,vision is failing,you are slowly reducing your work .finances can be in downward direction after providing for your children.your visits to doctor office might be in increase. Your ability to peform physical work is also going on a down spiral.you understand you are aging.

From 60 to seventy things further go down.you may be neglected and left alone by death of a spouse or lovelessness of children.you might need help for your day to day life.now you don’t much thing about society.you might not be interested in making opinions about the world.your extremism in politics,religion or anythingelse might be on the course of crumbling.you are more on the path of occult.god may be useful as a direction and goal.

Empowered woman

************************

Sometimes atleast rude behavior  and bad comments from your blood relations and legal relations will make you unhappy.it may make you feel helpless.but if you are strong enough you may also know that you can abandon such persons at any time if you wish when things seems to go uncontrollable.still these type of behavior from  people with whom you are supposed live under the same roof in a unit called family might make you depressed also.

Most of the time gentle and descent women ignore such behavior and comments and  carry on with their respective functions in the family as a dutiful member of the unit.in my case I also do that.In my case I have a strong incompatibility with some family members.so whenever they get an opportunity they try to demoralize me by behaving rudely or criticizing my actions without much basis.They never  waste  any chance to do some bad mouthing about me to other members of the family unit.I sometimes feel hurt but do not respond or question them..one reason for this is because I naturally have a deep empathy for all beings whether humans or animals or plants surrounding me.I place these people in my mind in a helpless situation where they may not have a comfortable life today which  I am providing them with my dalily duties and chores in the  family unit.i can imagine in what pathetic way they might end up if I am not there to serve them .They definitely will have difficulties as they are not efficient as me in doing so many small tasks which need patience and perseverance.

As a response to their bad mouthing I can also do this openly about them if  I want.But I never did or planning to do that ever.because I clearly know its below my standards.My supersensitivity makes me assess these souls deeply.my empathy make me considerate towards them.Yet I know where I need to limit my interaction and carry on with my own business.If I am sacrificing my opportunities and time for these persons its not because I am helpless but because I believe in family and social togetherness of living  things.Humans are programmed to ive in groups  and I  respect that universal programming.

The constitution of brain circuites are different in different people.some cannot perceive others efficiently as others perceive them.their thoughts are unidirectional.they can see only their side.they believe their thinking is the only and ultimate truth.its I think a brain abnormality of its electrical circuites or information processing.! Ofcourse I am not talking science.it is just my assumption from what I see.

So in nut shell I know what I am facing and how to deal with it is entirely in my power.Its my freedom to tolerate or to throw away.when I know this fact I am an empowered woman.An empowered woman takes responsibility.she cannot be a complaint box.she knows how to protect her rights.She never blame others for her failures or disadvantages.Instead she will stand up tall and reevaluate her path of life and find out the flaws and take steps to correct them.

FEAR.

******

When I was at a younger age I used to believe that 99% of human beings are good , 1 % may be bad and it is my ability to deal with that 1%which  will make me a  better person.But as years passed and experience accumulated now I believe that 99 % of human beings are scared and paranoid.They distrust people .That takes away their ability to love without fear.That makes them cheat.That makes them abandon those who trust  them.That makes them have feelings of inferiority,or trapped in relationships and situations.So they run .But the most funny thing about this whole  scenario is that nobody reach anywhere neither the runner  nor the one who was left behind.they all remain always in the same vicious cycle of trust,fear,distrust,cheating,running,building,destroying,lonely and then disappear finally to nothing.

One  fact about human life is very simple if you examine it closely and minutely .As years of life pass we are programmed to deteriorate slowly and insidiously.But we also have an inbuilt ability to slowen the process if we understand  life and the given package,its pros and cons correctly and then behave accordingly.

Its easy to be  egoistic dominant,aggressive,submissive,superficial,deep,passionate,detached or whatever according to one’s  inbuilt constitution and biological nature.But nothing can be more powerful than sense.sense of being a human and his strength and capabilities of constructive/positive attitudes.It can change everything.It can make you a brave and courageous person who doesn’t run when met with obstacles in life and its interactions, from loving and caring,from accepting the same in return.It will prevent you from turning into a manipulator ,from achieving pleasure from making other people suffer from your actions.The only thing we need is a vision which should be so acute with capability  of looking from the beginning till the end at any moment and every moment of that journey.

This vision needs to be supported by a will power to outgrow the moment to moment decay which is a constant feature of life.Nobody can completely destroy it.yet we can resist its urge and slow it down.

When  I was writing this I was remembering all those lives who ran away from me,All those whom I met while they were running   and me itself ,how I looked  when I used to run.Many of them are still around and I see them and feel  them .I am also still here.yet no one is  seemed to reach anywhere including me !

Dilemma..

“Give me back my 4000 rupees”
The woman started shouting at the cashier Lata of the hospital.
The woman’s husband was admitted with abdominal pain and vomiting since yesterday.He is an alcoholic.Whatever money he earned he usually completely drained over whiskey bottles.She was fed up of him.But being a dutifull Indian wife she had to bring him to the hospital whenevr he develops symptoms related to excess alcohol intake.Otherwise her Mother in law would nag her .

“Afterall he is your husband.If he is a man he will drink.so what?

That is mother’s usual reaction to son’s alcoholism and related illnesses .They are jats and in this community a man is not expected to be a teetotaller not even by his family.
The woman raised her voice again.

“It is your duty to collect the money from the insurance people,not the patients.”
She shouted at lata.
“I am not giving you back any money I received”
Lata also retorted in same tone.
“If you cannot pay you should have thought it before getting admitted in a private hospital.you could have gone to government hospital for treatment”
Lata commented in an angry voice.

Dr.shweta,me and sister vibha sat in the next room hearing the argument.
We wanted to know exactly what is happening beyond a wall.

Dr.shwetha called the ayah .
“hey kantha..go and see what is it?’

kantha obeyed the order with the same dutiful composure as usual..
she came back in a while.

“It is the attendant of room no.12.They don’t want to pay the hospital bill”

“Why? They have insurance coverage.Why should they pay” Dr shwetha asked
Tthe insurance company says they have not joined them”
“But they have a mediclaim card.Hw’s it possible then?”
Dr .shwetha wondered.

She dialled the internal phone to basement where sister kiran is dealing with all
Insurance work.
“Yes didi.They produced a mediclaim card.But it is forged.The agent cheated them”
kiran explained the situation
.The man had taken a health insurance from a known company through an unknown agent/mid man.as theses people are not much educated the agent fooled them very efficiently.
They paid somemoney to the agent.They never bothered to verify what is going on.

We called Lata to our room.
“What is happening?”shweta asked
“Their claim is denied as they have not taken any policy.Now the lady paid 4000 .Total bill is 4830.I reduced 330 from myside.She has to pay 500 more to me.But she saysto me to give her back that 4000 also”
Lta explained the situation.

“Why?”I asked.I couldnot understand the logic
“She says she will bring the agent and he will pay.”Lata said.
“Did she get hold of the agent?”sweta asked
“No.she is trying.He is not picking up his cell phone”

“Then how can she bring him? vibha ,our nurse,wondered.

“Its just a trick.She wants to get her money back from me.I asked the boss .He said no.I am not going to give her the discharge summary till she pay me the remaning 500.”
Lata affirmatively declared her stand.Being Punjabi blood she is very efficient in dealing with all idiosyncratic reactions of hariyana villagers.

We keralites,upites and biharis simply sit and watch this type of dramas without active involvement usually as we are less efficient in dealing with such complicated situations.

Lata went back to her room.
The jat lady again tried to coax her in to giving back the money.Then she started abusing and threatening.But lata remained firm as usual.
“I will surely bring the agent in 2 hours.You take 10,000 from him .Make a bigbill.
Now give that 4000 back to me”
Lady tried one last technique when all others failed.
“See madam.Its impossible to give you back the received money.You give me the 500 and I will give you the discharge card”
Lata declared her final decision.
Lady went away and later brought her 22 yrs old son with her
The man gave lata a 500 rupees note from a bundle of such kept in his pocket.
It was just a trialrun from the patient’s side which was a usual happening in the hospital.

Middleclass people of Hariyana have now learnt many tricks to fight life.
I had seen the pathetic conditions of government hospitals in Hariyana.Money is not the issue.it is in plenty.But illiteracy,ignorance and lack of awareness of human rights
are the issues.People themselves are corrupted from the roots.The cleansing process should start from their own basements and cellars.Being an outsider ,and from a place where people create a lot of “hallas’ over many imaginary issues and ballooned up problems I always fall in a dilemma-“how to react to what I see everyday ?”

Love..

It usually takes a lot of courage to walk back through memory lanes where one received a lot of flowers and then a lot of thorns after the flower fall….

SITTING BESIDES ME
AS SHE WROTE
LIKE SHE OFTEN DOES
SCRIBBLING AWAY WORDS
FROM HER UNENDING RESERVOIR
OF EXPERIENCES
IN WORDS AND PHRASES
ONLY SHE CAN.

I SMILED TO MYSELF
A LITTLE BEMUSED TO’ SEE”
POETRY IN MOTION
TO ME
SHE HERSELF IS THE POEM
WRAPPED IN DEFFERENT HUES
COLOURS AND SHADES UNFATHOMABLE AT TIMES
AND VIBRANTLY VISIBLEAT TIMES
SOMETIMES HIDDEN AMID THOSE BEAUTIFUL TRESSES
AND SOMETIMES EXPRESSIVELY RADIANT
THROUGH HER EVERLASTING SMILE

SHE….THE WOMAN
ENCOMPASSING LIFE AND LIVING
THEN I WONDER
IS SHE A POEM ABOUT LIFE
OR LIFE ITSELF?

In the morning I was rummaging through my small iron shelf where I keep most of the records and history of my existence accidentally a faded page torn from an old not book fell on my feet.The red bold letters in a nice handwriting looked at me and smiled.I smiled back too..Without any resentment or regret .But with a lot of happiness in my heart.Those letters were describing me from years back.Then I felt for a second as if my life itself was a beautiful poem.

The poet who wrote those letters are now in oblivion.He went away giving me bleeding wounds on the inner walls of my heart forever..

But still I keep the poem ,the poet and my heart unaffected by stains of anger and hatred,as I understand the worth of a living is never measured in its length but in happiness and bliss gifted in coffee spoons..

Along with the poem still I keep the rice grain with two lovers name written on either side of it,the small wooden turtle which tenderly moves in a breeze and the piece of marble where my name is carved along with my nickname..

I too move today like that turtle .On the bottom of it there is a greeting wishing me life long luck ,happiness and prosperity.The one who wished passed away without a trace in one rain.But my life has still winds and rains which are enveloped in the reminiscences of his presence..May be that is what is known as love..