GENDER'ISM'

The lady sat across me on a chair with the four month old baby in her lap.
She came for vaccination of the baby.Baby’s vaccination card was empty
except for a hepatitis B vaccine.Dates for other vaccines according to schedule
were recorded in the card but not given. The lady appeared around 55 yrs old.
I guessed the child is not her own.She understood my doubt and smiled.
“yes doc.this is my grand child.It was born four months back.its mother is not well
she is mentally ill and under treatment.She is with her parents.so I have to look after the baby.
I smiled back.”ok.so no injections given to baby till this time?’I asked.
“I think one is given.The baby was with mother at her home.I brought it yesterday only .you know I am a poor woman.My son is just a salesman in a shop.He is a very unlucky chap.He is only 27. This is his second marriage.Poor fellow.
I became curious.Being a doctor doesn’t prohibit you from liking gossip a bit and probing is a part of our job too.
“so what happened to the first wife?” I asked.
“ohh..thats a sad story.She ran away with her lover one month after the marriage.
She was involved with him before the marriage.”
My curiosity increased.The woman understood and continued.
“after that incident my son was not inclined to marry again .but we compelled him.
and arranged another marriage.she is 35 yrs old.this baby’s mother.
She stopped and looked the baby on her lap with a smile.baby was sleeping calmly in her arms.
Then she continued without waiting for my response.
“ that was also another bad luck.we didn’t know before the marriage that she is suffering from mental illness.they hide this from us.she was ill since many years
she shouts and runaway at times and will not talk for days at other times.”
From the description I felt the mother may be suffering from Manic Depressive Psychosis.
“her illness increased after the delivery.we thought she would kill the baby.so I brought it to my house”woman told me.”
“Is it a boy?”I asked.
This is a question comes to me naturally after living in this area and seeing patients
For many years.sometimes one can makeout the gender of the babies even from the way older women of the families hold the babies in their arms in this locality.
She described the birth of this baby.Her daughter in law went out from home saying
she is going to her sister’s place.after 2 days policemen came to her doorsteps and asked “where is your daughter in law?”she ddnt know.after a few minutes of drama
they revealed her location.she was found in a pavement in labour painstthe police took her to nearby hospital. she delivered at the reception area of the hospital in the stretcher.baby was 1.5 kg .it survived.
That day I proceeded with injection and gave instructions about further visits.
Then she started regularly coming at the given intervals with the baby.From the next visit onwards she started whining on every visit about her difficulties in looking after the baby.She also tried to sisters to reduce the on the cost of vaccination .
When I tell her about the side effects of vaccines like fever etc she will say”ohh god!
How am I going to manage?I have to make food and look after the baby alone.Nobody to help.”
“Its ok. This occur with every babies.”I tried to comfort her.
She was not happy”still its very difficult for me to spend this amount of money”she
GrumpleS.
“Then why don’t you give the baby back to her mother and relatives?”
I asked her one day.
“How can I do that !”came prompt reply.
“Its boy.if it was a girl …”she ddnt complete the sentence.
I ddnt say anything.as I never understood why do many famales hate female babies and prefer male babies..

Thus this is the history of this baby.It is lucky at least that it is born as a male in India.
I have seen many other less privileged one’s called females struggling for their survival.The level of baby care is decided by its gender in many parts of India and if it is born as a female before getting killed in the womb the rest of its life path is mostly determined by the presence or absence of sheer luck.

KARVA CHAUTH...

KARVA CHAUTH.

The debate was getting hot.
“This fasting is only for properly married women.Those who took “sath phera”with
their man.” Suja was arguing.we all were listening.
Let me first introduce the forum.It included 5 people .Me.,doc.shashi,sisters suja and vibha and the cashier sudha.All sitting in our OPD and free.Usually during such
times we start with some topic which usually is very simple and small and strictly confined to the little sphere of our every day world.We don’t know much about what is happening to the economy of India ,or what SoniaGandhi said in a recent political meeting .We are simple women who live small lives. Our gossip column usually involve things which happen in our everyday life or of the patients we meet.
Today’s topic was “karva chaud”I being a south Indian has nothing to do with this
fast.Doc.shashi was keeping the fast and she came today all dressed up in the traditional way in a glistening sari and matching bangles and other accessories.
She had put mehndi on her hands yesterday itself.All women yesterday was walking around and working with green mehndi on their hands .All their chores involving hands were conducted by others who were empathetic and had no mehndi on their hands including men.Vibha was not keeping the “vrath”for which her explanation was
“we don’t have karva chaud in bihar”. Suja is a christian.
From the moment our topic started today I knew where suja is aiming at.Sudha ,the cashier is having an affair with one of the receptionists suresh.Sudha is a widow.Suresh is married and the father of two adolescent children.Sudha’s husband died many years back due to dengue fever.She was married to a guy in a remote village of U.P.She has 3 children.Two boys and a girl.After the death of her husband she left her inlaws with the newborn girl .Inlaws didn’t let her take the elder two boys as there is plenty of property of which the two boys are the sole heirs.sudha had filed a court case for the custody of her children which is under slow progression now.

Sudha tried to argue against suja’s view point.

‘Then why all those unmarried girls at reception are keeping this fast?”
she was mentioning about Anju and Reshmi.Anju is hardly 18.she is having an affair with a boy at her desk .Reshmi is around 28 yrs,unmarried,still continuing her relationship with an X-ray technitian with whom she fell in love almost 5 yrs back but could not marry.He married a village girl one year back due to family’s pressure.But it ddnt affect their previous relationship.Its going on in the same way as in the past.
Most females of our working place keep the fast of “karvachaud”. This day they all come like newly wedded ‘dulhans’ irrespective of their age,with a lot of makeup in their face and mehndi and ‘choodiyam’ in hands.This include some elderly ayahs
like bhagvatiyamma and kausallya who are at least 60 to 65 yrs old .The young male
generation in the hospital mockingly describe ‘karva chaud’ as ‘the day when you can see all types of all models in new paint and polish with repaired dents’

Suja didn’t approve of anything illegal or away from a straight line in life.She has a very happy marriage of about 20 yrs duration with a pleasant ,sweet compatible guy.
So whenever she gets a chance to point a finger at sudha and similar types she never
miss the opportunity.


‘How can any woman who is not legally married can keep this fast?Its unethical and sinful according to me” . She started again.
“There should be someway to curb this kind of degradation happening to our society today”

somewhere inside I felt, she is worried about her own husband’s safety from this type of ‘chudels’..

As suja’s voice become more aggressive others looked at each other.Sudha became a little pale on this directly indirect attack on her character.But she nodded silently to suja.We all knew sudha is keeping the fast.

I looked at dr.shashi.She understood the request in my glance.She intervened.

“What you say is ok sister.But as far as I understand everything comes from a woman’s heart.”she placed her right palm on her bossom.
“If you ask me,I will do a fast for anyone I love including my parents.Its all about love and care”
Suja was still defensive.
“I am talking about this particular fast only.Not anything generalised.This is for husband and one should only keep it when she has a proper husband’

She sounded a bit vindictive to me.so I picked up the thread.

“Ok.agree.So what about those women in our hospital who are kicked,slapped and abused everyday by their husbands after his drinking session in the evening?They also keep the fast.But do they really love their husbands?I don’t think so.They just do it as they are supposed to do it by the family and society”

Dr,shashi agreed.
But suja was not convinced and she stood on her deliberate stand on the morality of the issue.
“Its all about love and care.I f you want to do, do it.but ‘dil se karo’-shashi presented
her opinion again.

“There are many woman who have many relationship in their lives and they are also keeping the fast”
Sudha said quoting as an example of a woman living alone in an upper storey near her house.I smiled and said.

“Don’t worry.even Draupadi might have kept this fast for her five husbands whom she properly married’

Now it was vibha’s turn.

“No didi.They ddnt bring draupadi after a proper marriage.She was just a prize they
won in a competition and shared among them to follow their mother’s order”

“wow”I exclaimed..

“Look.women started thinking nowa days.but I love this point.” I teased vibha and we all laughed.

Sitting in that room ,at that moment I felt how innocent and pure all these women are.
I know about the life situations of all .vibha’s husband doesn’t work regularly or properly.He has a drinking habit as well.she work 12-16 hrs to manage her home and two adolescent boys.Shashi is infertile.She cannot have her own kids.So she is depressed and finds solace in sedatives.Her husband anil loves her and doesn’t bother about kids as he is a very successful software professional and is on tour most of the time.Shashi always talk of going to her parents and miss them too much.
Then me .I am a confused soul more than mr.confuscius! I cant even concentrate
as things happened and happens so fast and unexpectedly in my life always !
Suja is the only one whom I would say is somewhat contented in her life even though she whines sometimes about monetary problems.

So my conclusion of the day was as follows. In one way or another the women of India are supposed to suffer without any particular reason. They are bound and trapped in a system which starts from their birth and ends only at death.These women desrve an applause as they never ask for freedome from their own prisons due to many factors and the most important one is our taditional views on family.

CAT AND ME.

The mother cat is sitting on the steps in front of my verandah –cum-kitchen ‘s door.
The grill door is in a closed state so that she cannot enter inside and steal milk from my milk pot.She started staying in my backyard some months ago.But she was not a constant tenant .She comes only when she needs to deliver her kittens.That process I think she usually conduct byherself inside the tunnel on the side of my house through which the pipeline connections of the house pass.Now she has 4 kittens of about one week old .They were very promptly named as blackberry[the one with a black patch on its nose-she also has another not so cute name as ‘muh kalivali ‘- both given by my kids],gold berry,yellowberry etc.according to their respective shades.

I am making pasta for my younger child .She is 8yrs old.While working on the gas stove my mind is moving between me and the cat.I am feeling there is a mild chance that the cat is also thinking about me while she looks at me.

I am an Indian human female.I am married for the last many years and had given birth to two children.Now I am somewhat confined most of the time to the solitude of a human habitat we call as home.So when I don’t go out to work as usual I do in the evenings,I feel a little bored and more lonely.On such situations I fall frequently in to the trap of my restlessness which makes me do many irrational and shameful things like logging in to internet and searching for some extra terrestrial humanbeing who can think very illogically unlike most of the people I know in real blood and flesh,
who is able to consider me as a lonely humanbeing who needs some encouraging words and comments from this superhuman without any mention of how ‘hot ‘I look
even though they haven’t seen me ever!

Today the above mentioned venture was not so satisfactory because of an untimely stormy wind and a sprinkling accompaniment of rain which took away my electicity supply.So I endedup in the kitchen making an indo-italian collaboration pasta with ingradients like onion,ginger,garlic,green piece,paneer,olives,cream ,capsicum and the macaroni.This item was invented solely by me at this moment only without any prior imagination of inventing such a thing.

My kid is sitting near me on a small stool and singing in the loudest possible of her voice ‘saregamapadhanisa’ ,in a most unbearable tune that I suppose yet to be composed by some great karnatic musician.In between this practicing session she is also talking to the mother cat and giving her some instructions and tips about how to look after her children.

I very gently and sweetly requested her to discontinue the singing process which she politely and gracefully refused..
So this is my lovely evening status today.If I am remembering correctly,once upon a time,I was a quiet young lady who used to bragg about the importance of personal space and freedome of thought and actions in human life..

Now let me complete the pasta venture and then continue..

I served the hot pasta in a beautiful blue porcelain bowl with fork and a spoon in an attractive tray to my kid.She took it and directed herself straightly to the bedroom where the TV is available 24 hrs and went into her world of cartoons and pogo..

Now me and the mother cat are alone.I remained inside the grill in the verandah and she dozed on the doorsteps outside.
My thoughts again went back to the cat.
The cat is now enjoying her second maternity excursion on my back yard after a gap of around three months.
For a fraction of second I wished if I could be the cat instead of being me.,
When I thought deeply I found the following differences between me and the cat.

1. She is free.She can wander anywhere.She is not married.Even at night she can go out leaving her kittens in the safety of my backyard.She is not scared.
I am not supposed to wander without permission from many people.
And wandering without any purpose is almost prohibited.
2. She expects very little things from her life.
I expects the most beautiful fantasies and miracles come true all the time.
3. she doesnt expect her male partner to baby sit or follow her every where after
they started copulating .Me ,who grown through Cinderella ,Romeo Juliet and
many more of that types stories always imagine prince’s exists and hope
they take birth and live in earth rather than in stories.
4 She doesn’t need to share her emotions.[if she have any other than her
natural mask of indifference].She need not feel the necessity of sharing any
ideas or doubts which may be baseless and eccentric ..But I need to and I to
search for pits to unload my collected garbage.
5. I have no personal space in the world.the whole world is her personal space
6. I don’t know much about the survival techniques in crowded places which I cant avoid or not permitted to refuse.she can survive anywhere as she knows the methods.she is calm and cool.i am hyper and turbulent.

7. she has neverbeen a victim of betrayal,false pretences or impressions .so I doubt she ever cried .I am continuously being cheated and lied even by myself and left alone to cry or howl.
8. she believes in evils.never trust even the days .she is always suspicious.
I believe in virtues even when I am confused abt their constant and unconditional existences.and I trust all the shadows.
9. The cat is happy in small and necessary things she achieves everyday like catching a rat and feeding it to herself and the kittens and later playing with the remaining carcass with her children and training them how to become a perfect male or female cat in one future day.
10. I am unhappy worrying about the safety and future of the children in the world including my own while doing nothing effectively to make it more brighter and just leaving many blames on fate and destiny.
11. I cant sleep whenever I wish.she can..

When I was a child,
I wanted to be reborn as a male.but in later years I had modified my reincarnation wish as to be reborn as a Caucasian male in America .Then through years I also saw the pros and cons of being a male.So now I think I have an alternative.
May be I want to take my next birth as a male or female cat..

CELEBRITY FEVER.

It  was my second episode of an afliction of that type.I have been affected with the same ailment once before also.But that incident ended uneventfully .That time I was infected with s similar  type of organism  known as  ‘bollywood superstar.’

This affliction is not like any myocardial infarction or epidemic dengue fever.But it is a similar thing which can affect anybody at any age.The predisposing factors can be a low mood,sadness,feeling of incompleteness or failure,or simply boredome .There can be other etiological factors also which a psychologist may be able to explain better.The name of this disease is ‘celebrity fever’.The symptoms include an ache in the heart or brain which constantly irritate the affected person so that he or she ends up with doing many shameful or indecent acts.The symptoms starts after seeing or hearing the performance of a celebrity or coming in contact with something related to him which touches the affected through the heart.The affected person craves to be in contact with the celebrity just like a cholera patients longs for water.People who had a mild manifestation only are called as ‘fans’.Most of the time this disorder doesnot lead to any good or bad sequelae.Mostly the condition is temporary , innocuous and self limited..But sometimes it can lead to a chronic state of obcessive compulsive disorder.

When I was in adolescence and then in my twenties I always thought this disorder can never affect me.It is just like one thinking about hypertension or diabetes.When at twenties one thinks ‘highblood pressure and diabetes?not to me!’.But at forty the same person can be seen sitting in the OPD  of a G.P or  a physician.

This time I got this fever due to another organism known as a ‘novelist’.It happened unexpectedly by an accidental exposure to the causative agent like in any other fevers.

This fever with writers and poets occurs  usually when one reads their articles.But in my case I havn’t even knew before that this person had written  some article and which was a huge success.I was just wandering in the networld because recently I had lost a single and particular direction of my life due to so many factors.I was feeling all messed up like a  garbage truck.From many years of experiences  of  life,I have learnt that discipline can destroy one’s ability to lead a very normal human life.Because disciplined persons become more obcessed with perfectionism which leads to more success,the two factors which can take a person away from a normal simple life with all open and public human emotional expressions.So I discarded my trials towards the discipline sequence and turned my face in somewhat an  opposite direction.

So when I was wandering from one  social network site to another and was trying to search someone I knew from the past.But  I ended up in this person’s profile and photograph.I liked it instantly in  one glance.Then I knew this one has also written a novel two years back and which was accepted by the youth wholeheartedly.I lernt from the site that he has his blogs and a website and he accepts friends on other social network sites as this one is already overloaded. He has a proper professional qualification.He is good looking and healthy.He likes many things that I like for eg.-music ,dance, books etc.

Initially my brain tried to prevent my urge  to get to know this person by rationalization.If he is like me so what?many people are like me.Humans share many similar genes due to many factors explained and unexplained.This was coming from my  immune system which was trying to help me out from the presence of organism it felt already in my blood. But later other factors  like inherent weaknesses to infections succeeded for eg.:-jelousy.It included thoughts like this.’the person is too young.With a  single book he won the heart of thousands.I am here in almost middle age.I lived through thousands of novels and stories through  years yet couldnot write a single line properly and acknowledge my presence in this world.All stories are compressed and repressed inside my skull.Many are in torn and fading states.All in a haphazard collection which in between try to expand and rupure my parietal bones.And I live with a pen and five useful right sided fingers which are equally undisciplined like me.!

So probably to suppress this depressive state of thinking and affairs my mind soon worked out an idea.It was this idea which helped the infective thing to spread through my brain cells.So for the next two days I planned or schemed so many defferent ways to contact this celebrity.When I start some adventure like this it acts like coffee or sedatives.Stimulating and encouraging. Yet addictive and depressing.

Once you start you cannot stop them unless you pulls your reigns of self control strongly  and tightly back.

I let the reigns go..I decided to allow the horse wander freely .No harm would come usually from a short hillside ride in a fresh morning.It would be back by itself in a day or two.After all every horse has its own rights,when it is not under control by outside factors.

I contacted one of my female friends who is a poetess and a so called networking friend  of the celebrity in concern.She gave me his mail ID.I wrote him a mail as sweet as I can.As I knew I am the patient here not the celebrity.Then I send many friendship requests to him on all social sites wherever he was present.My friend told me’he is a sweet guy.I chatted with him once’

Within a day or two the celebrity added me as his friend on a social network site.He had around 5000 friends on that site.And I have around 10.So I doubted he added me by just a click and not even seeing my name.And I also thought he may have a secretary to do the triage and then the clicking job for him.I could understand his position too.He is only one .But the  affected are more than ten thousand.Afterall he is just a normal humanbeing  and not a  superman.

With this type of healing thoughts I came back to my normal self again in two days time.My friend told me’so many people may be dying to talk to him.’I understood.even I myself remain invisible mostly in chat windows to avoid overcrowding!finally I concluded my chance of becoming a true friend to this person is almost equal to less than a zero.And this conclusion helped my fever to subside.

Now being a  person curious to know how the mind of me and others work,I probed more into the probable cause of my affliction.I found it as the inability of my mind to adjust with whatever and whichever comes in my way.It seeks its own types.It search compatibility even when it is aware of the fact that ‘mingling should be done with people different or less privileged from you to improve your knowledge and help the growth of you and others’ .Mind knows many things.But heart is fragile and yet more powerful than a rational mind.

After doing all this exercise when I was sitting in my cabin seeing a patient in distress and pain and advising her a cure for the problem I felt myself as a celebrity for the first time.I remembered all those days when I was deeply involved in polio campaigns and health checkups in slum areas. I was also treated that time with not anything less than a celebrity  by the poor bihari labourers and their wives .I remembered how the priest of a hanuman temple[the baba]used to bring me water by himself and pamper me with hand worked fans during the hot afternoons of  power failures  when I rest with my team for an hour or two in between the polio programme .How eager was he to give us some choorna he made himself which he believed will help for digestion after walking below the hot sun all day.

Then I understood the meaning of a celebrity and found each person around me is one in their own way.If I can become a figure in life at which a few people can lookup at times of need I can definitely become a ‘celebrated soul’

But it doesn’t mean that I will not be affected by same kind of fever again  at another time.Afterall I am also just a simple humanbeing.!